Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?
by where-my-heart-resides
Summary: DxHr. Draco has a crush on Hermione. So when he hears her talking about pink up lines, he borrows a book from the library full of them. But when a pureblood attempts to figure out muggle phrases, chaos ensues. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?**

where-my-heart-resides

July 31, 2006

Draco didn't quite know when he started liking Hermione, or even why. It wasn't something he wanted at all. But he knew that he did indeed like her. And he _knew_ that he was going to get her... or not.

Day One:

"Hermione, will you go out with me?"

"No."

Day 37:

"Hermione, will you go out with me?"

"No."

So, to sum it up, he was getting _nowhere. _That is, until today. Draco was innocently studying in the library, that's all. It wasn't _his_ fault that he could hear Hermione and Ginny's conversation...

"You know what I love, Ginny?" Hermione questioned from a few feet away.

"Nope." Ginny replied, distracted.

"Pick up lines. I adore them!" Hermione giggled to herself.

"That's... odd." Ginny said to the peculiar comment.

"I know... Hermione sighed.

The two girls got up and left; leaving Draco alone with a magnificent idea. If Hermione wanted pick up lines, she was going to get pick up lines. Draco left the library that day with a book called _113 Muggle Pick Up Lines._ He knew that this was going to work. He opened the book, and began to read.

DC: Not mine.

A/N: The rumors are true, I'm back! This is just an introduction chapter, the next will be better.

Review minimum: Four. Just type Good or Bad or Has Potential into the review box and hit submit!. So... R&R, and remember, flames are for arsonists!


	2. Chapter 2

**Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?**

Where-my-heart-resides

8-15-06

(A/N: Sorry for the long wait! I've been grounded. Sorry...)

Hermione sighed as she looked down at her homework. She couldn't stop thinking about Malfoy. No, it's not what you think. Whatever she thought about Malfoy wasn't a good thought. On the contrary, she was often thinking out ways to kill him in his sleep, or how to make him cry or something like that. But still, any thought about Malfoy wasn't good. And just as she thought this, she heard a... car? No way, that was impossible. But it was. Draco bloody Malfoy came crashing through a wall, right into the great hall, and was speeding towards her. _Oh crap, _was all she thought as the car came to a halt in front of her.

Draco hopped out of the car looking just like... Batman? What the heck? He looked her straight in the eye and said "Since I'm Batman, would you like to take a ride in my Batmobile?" He said this so incredibly loud that half of the hall turned to look at him. Hermione gaped. _What_ had he just said to her? That little pervert! Obviously, Harry had just explained to Ron what that meant, because by this point, they'd both bolted from their seats and were running at him.

"AHHHHH!" Draco screamed. He jumped into the car, and attempted to drive off. The only problem was that as he turned it on, a song came on. "Dunananananana BATMAN!" the car belted.

"AHHHHH!" Draco screamed as he jumped out of the car and started kicking it. "I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, PLEASE DON'T BLOW UP!" He yelled at it. As he kicked it, it began to move forward. It started to speed up. "DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT ME!" He yelled and he jumped on it. He climbed onto the top of the car, and looked around. "So, what do you say Hermione?" He called as it edged away. Hermione shook her head in disgust, and walked away. 

Which was a bad decision, because she missed the thing that would be talked about in Hogwarts for the next twenty years. The day Batman ran over Snape. Right as Hermione walked out of the Great Hall, Snape walked in. He took one look at what was happening and yelled "Batman! I order you to stop that car right now! Wait... Batman?" He looked up at the ceiling in wonder. When he looked forward again, he realized that the car was only feet away from him. 

"AHHHHH!" Snape screamed as he tried to run. But his robes were caught on a table, so he was just running in place. And before the school knew it, Snape had disappeared beneath the car. After the car passed, he lay still in his place. The whole school stared at him until they heard another scream. This one happened to be Draco again. They looked and realized that the car was preparing to go back though the hole that it had come through... With Draco on top.

"AHHHHH!" Draco screamed for the third time that day. _Bam. _ Draco was thrown backwards as he collided with the wall. His body flew gracefully through the air, before crashing down next to Snape's. At that very moment, Dumbledore walked through the doors, looking at the hole in the wall in wonder. He looked down at the two unconscious bodies lying on the ground, then looked around at the hall.

"... Lemon drop?" (A/N: Only readers of "Blackmail" will understand just how funny that really is.)

?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?

_Ways To Kill Draco Malfoy_

Was Hermione's heading on her piece of paper. Today, she was humiliated in front of half of the school, and she _wanted_ revenge. And want Hermione wants, Hermione gets. And thus, a sub-plot to this story was started.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DC: Not mine.  
A/N: Like I said, I'm super super super sorry about the long wait! Anyway, thank you all SO MUCH for reviewing! It was FANTASTIC to hear from some of my old reviewers! I felt like I was home again. So thank you to the old reviewers, and a gigantic thanks to those of you who haven't read me before but are still giving me a chance!  
Review minimum: Ten, before I update! I promise I won't get grounded again, so once I have ten reviews, you get a new chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?**

Where-my-heart-resides

8-23-06

(A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for the great reviews!)

_So that didn't work..._ Draco thought to himself as he reflected on the previous day's events._ It must not have been big enough... She must really want something that says "BANG! I'M HERE BABY!" _What Draco didn't realize, however, was that Hermione didn't want a 'bang' or a 'baby' or even an 'I'm here.' All Hermione wanted was for Draco to leave her alone. But we all know Draco; he doesn't take no for an answer. He flipped through the pages, until... "Ah ha!" Draco exclaimed, "perfect."

?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!

_Ways to Kill Draco Malfoy._

_Notes: The one way to kill Draco Malfoy? Deprive him of the one thing he wants most. What he wants most? Me._

_1) Make him WANT me. _

"So, what do you think?" Hermione anxiously watched as Ginny scanned her list.

"You're a bit cocky, don't you think? Do you actually believe that Malfoy will be tortured just because we give you a makeover or something?" Ginny raised her eyebrows. Hermione looked at her, and replied without hesitation. "Yes."

Ginny sighed. "Then I suppose we better get to work." Hermione grinned at her best friend, and the two got to work on making Hermione irresistible.

?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!

Imagine you're watching a movie, where a pretty girl walks down the hall, and seductive music plays as all heads turn to follow her. That's exactly what happened as Hermione walked down the hall after her make-over. Believe it or not, Ginny had not changed that much. She got Hermione a uniform that was a size smaller, as her old one had been too big and made her look matronly, added a bit of eyeliner, just a dab of lip gloss, and had cast a quick straightening charm on her hair. Despite the real lack of changes, Hermione looked spectacular. It wasn't as much as how she looked that drew attention to her, it was the sudden burst of self confidence.

"Hey, Hermi... mi... mi..." Draco sounded from behind her. Hermione whirled around half way through her name being called, and Draco had suddenly turned into a broken record. Hermione smirked her famous better-than-you smirk, turned back around, and walked off, leaving Draco speechless in the distance.

_Oh crap. This is going to be harder than I thought._ Draco thought.

?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!

"Hermione! Wait!" Draco called. Hermione spun in place, and smiled her sweetest smile. However, contrary to the reaction she was hoping for, Draco grinned back, and went right into what he came to tell you. "Hermione, I just thought I would warn you. Don't walk into that room- The sprinklers might go off!" He said, winking.

_Here we go again._ Hermione thought, exasperated. "Malfoy, piss off." She said. She tried walking to the door.

"Hermione, no!" He said, running to stop her. "Seriously, you're so hot, the sprinklers might go off."

Hermione looked at him like he was a disgusting bug. "Malfoy, seriously. Leave me alone." She pushed past him, and before he could stop it, she pushed open the door to the Great Hall.

_3... 2... 1... _Draco thought. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he heard an echo of at least one hundred girls scream.

"_MALFOY!"_ A sopping wet Hermione screamed as she exited the Great Hall, eyeliner running, and hair frizzing up already.

"I tried to warn you!" Draco exclaimed. Hermione gaped at him.

"Are you _kidding_?" She exclaimed, aggravated.

"No." Draco said, blinking innocently. Hermione stared at him.

_That's it. It's on. _She thought.

?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!

"Huh?" Snape muttered to himself as the whole great hall erupted into laughter as he walked in. He looked down at his robes. Nothing funny about them. Turned his head to the back to make sure there was no sign on his back. No sign. Looked at his hair to make sure it was the same color. It was. Conjured up a mirror to make sure there was nothing on his face. There wasn't. So _why_ were they all laughing at him?

"Professor Snape!" Professor Dumbledore exclaimed. "Don't you think that's a bit inappropriate?"

"I don't see what's wrong with it." Snape replied coolly. Dumbledore gaped at him.

"Professor Snape! Will you look at yourself? There's most definitely something wrong with it!" Dumbledore said, outraged.

"THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH WHAT I'M WEARING, YOU OLD GEEZER!"Snape screamed. The entire hall went silent. BAM. Something hit Snape _hard_ in the back. He flung whatever it was off of him, only to see Draco Malfoy lying in a heap on the floor. And he was... crying?

"PROFESSOR SNAPE, WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO MEAN?" Draco yelled.

_What is going on here?_ Snape thought to himself. BAM. Someone else collided with him. From the front this time. "AAAHHHH!" Snape yelled, caught off guard.

"Ha. Ha. You'll. Not. Get. Away. From. ME!" Dumbledore said, trying to keep Snape in a headlock.

"Get... Off... Of... Me..." Snape said, struggling for air.

"NEVER!" Dumbledore screamed. Snape got one last burst of energy, and flung Dumbledore onto the floor beside Draco. He began to laugh manically. As he laughed, he climbed up onto Dumbledore's seat and screamed as if he was Tarzan, while beating his hands on his chest. Except, he wasn't choosing to do it. His body was forcing him to do so. _Somebody make it stop!_ He thought frantically. Suddenly, as if a veil had been lifted from his eyes, he could see what he looked like. He was horrified.

Snape's outfit consisted of a white thong. On his chest was written 'I'm too sexy for my shirt.' and on the thong was written 'but not Draco Malfoy!' Snape suddenly snapped out of his stupor and screamed as if there were no tomorrow.

"MALFOY!" Snape's voice rang throughout the hall, sending the already shocked students into petrification. Draco raised his head from the floor. He was wiping his eyes, as if he hadn't been able to control his actions either.

"It wasn't me sir!" He exclaimed. Snape glared at him, before walking over, grabbing him by the wrist, and dragging him out of the Great Hall, sending whispers of suspicion down the room. Nobody noticed as Hermione slipped out after them, an evil grin on her face.

Meanwhile: In his unconscious state, Dumbledore was dreaming of lemon drops galloping through fields with him. Only suiting, eh? (Again, you'll only understand that if you read Blackmail.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DC: Not mine.

A/N: Sorry. School started you know, and I was pretty stressed out getting ready. I've had the first half of this chapter written for a week now, I just hadn't gotten around to finishing it. But, here it is! I hope you enjoyed it!  
Review minimum: 15. That's probably where it will stay. Probably ;)


End file.
